Growing Up
by Miss Pontmercy
Summary: Jason and Peter both realize they're different. But how do they react? How is their freshman year? How do they meet and fall in love? Series. Sorta and mixture between fluff and angst. Reviews please!
1. Jason

No one could argue- being thirteen sucked. Skin flaring, things popping up when you didn't want them to (like in class when you were reading your paper out loud in front of the class and all the sudden... _bam__!), _and you find you're not even safe in your dreams anymore. Jason was no different. He was too skinny and was definitely not any kind of strong boy, and his dad told him about that frequently. By eighth grade, his zits weren't too much of a problem, but he was still incredibly awkward. But while he was awkwardly skinny, his sister just went from chubby to fat... and kept going. He felt bad for her- it wasn't easy to be Nadia. But it wasn't easy to be Jason, either.

So dreaming was somewhat of a threat. Because of that whole wet-dream thing... only, his dreams were different than other guys'. Not like he'd ever talk about it or anything, but it didn't take a genius to figure out that other guys dreamt about girls. Not...

He couldn't even say it.

Boys. And it wasn't just dreams, either. There was a guy in his math class who made him feel all nervous and awkward whenever Jason was around him. A crush. He had a _crush_ on a _boy._

Next year he'd be going to boarding school. He was terrified that he'd talk in his sleep, and his roommate would figure out his secret. So terrified, in fact, that he asked if he could room with Nadia. No luck. His dad wanted him to make friends, meet people. Jason just knew it wouldn't work out well... What would his dad say if he found out...?

He wouldn't find out, that's how he'd get around that problem.

Jason went to freshman year rooming with a kid named Tyler. The kid was barely passing all year, and spent many a weekend totally wasted. At the end of the year he did end up failing. He was too busy fucking up his own life to notice what was going on with Jason's, which was a good thing. Jason lived through his first year at St. Cecelia's with a very strict rule: never tell anyone. Never speak a word about those feelings you have. If you don't speak them aloud, they don't exist. Never act on them. Do nothing. They'll go away.

Maybe he didn't meet the right girl yet.

But he didn't actually fear getting discovered after awhile. The girls provided a perfect hiding place for him- they adored him. Followed him around, giggled a lot, always silly and stupid. Frankly they annoyed him and made him uncomfortable, but he was still grateful for their attention. No one would ever guess that the guy with all the girls falling at his feet would be... well.

He had more friends than anyone else. Guys wanted to be him, girls wanted to be with him. He had fantastic grades, teachers adored him, he was the best cross country runner and soccer player at the school.

It should feel good to be the guy-who-has-everything, but Jason frequently felt himself losing control. The world would tilt, the pressure making him buckle under its weight.

At the end of the year on one of the last nights before everyone went home, he got drunk for the first time. The party was in this kid Lucas' dorm and he had alcohol and some other stuff that Jason didn't touch. Not yet... he'd just have alcohol first.

_But be careful,_ he told himself. _Not to say anything, once you're drunk._

Turns out it wasn't a problem. He had several beers, too many, and fell onto the bed with this cute girl, Maria. She'd been groupie number one for the past couple weeks, and she'd made it clear that she was open to anything he wanted to do. So he hooked up with her, messily kissing her (it was _slobbery)_ and fumbling with her bra (why was it so _bulky?) _until it was off and he was just left... bored. Was this what people did for fun? He didn't want to go any further, but she seemed to, and he didn't know how to get away without hurting her feelings, or worse. Having her guess...

Turns out he didn't need an excuse. A minute later, when he'd imagined himself getting outed in front of everyone, he started feeling the beer more than he should... Dizziness, nausea... and then he had to run to the bathroom before he made a fool of himself in front of everyone.

As he retched into the toilet, he did not feel any better. His reputation was everything. He was the star athlete, the most popular guy in school. Up till tonight, he'd never been drunk, but he'd led most of the school to believe otherwise. He'd also led the school to believe he wasn't a virgin. So when he couldn't hold down a couple beers, what would everyone say? Would they shun him? Would he have any friends with?

Would school become a living hell, or would this... pressure be gone?

Suddenly he felt a lift on his shoulders. If he wasn't cool anymore, he wouldn't be expected to be a certain way. He wouldn't have to go to these parties, wouldn't have to hide so much. Maybe he could figure out what was going on with those fucking dreams... Maybe...

But it turned out he didn't need to worry about that. Apparently it was cool to barf up your beers, or something. When he came out of the bathroom, several people clapped.

Before he left for the summer, he had a pocketful of girls' phone numbers and a yearbook filled with too-friendly signatures. He had plans to hang out with several people he knew he wouldn't see over the summer. He knew that his time at home- when he was away from his father, at least- could be his only time not to be the cool guy. He'd take advantage of it.

"Time to go, son," his dad said, patting him on the back and smiling proudly when several kids waved and bid him goodbye. Jason swallowed- what the hell was going to happen to him?

* * *

**I hope you liked that! I'm going to make this a series. I've never written for bare before, but I love the music. REVIEWS PLEASE!**


	2. Peter

"Honey, you're going to be fine," Clarie told her son, whose dark brown eyes were wide with nerves. He was such a quiet boy, she worried about him frequently. "You're going to make lots of friends, I can tell."

Peter gulped and nodded, looking around at his new home. His freshman dorm room was small and cramped. His roommate had arrived already- his name was John and he seemed nice enough, but was already off talking to two girls who'd invited him to take a walk around the school with them. Peter had been invited too, but he said he didn't want to go. His mom had encouraged him, but he declined again.

"I'd rather stay here and get everything unpacked," he said.

Claire sighed. He was so shy.

A few hours later, Peter had hugged and kissed his mom and was trying to hide his tears from her, until she drove away. Then he sat on his bed in his dorm room and closed the door, glad his roommate was not there. He buried his head in his hands and cried, already homesick. His mom didn't like it when he cried in front of her- Peter figured she felt helpless when he did it, and so he always refrained. But he was always terrified out of his mind- what was going to happen here, at this strange place? The school was old, and he knew no one. A part of him was excited- it was supposed to be a great school, and Peter had always been both smart and interested in his studies. The buildings were old, very Catholic, and very haunting- they seemed like cool places to get lost in, kind of like Hogwarts or something.

But still- would anyone here be nice to him? Maybe, away from his mom, he could figure out what was going on.

Maybe he could meet someone.

No, Peter couldn't even let himself hope for that. Not just yet. If he went into this new opportunity hoping to meet a boy, then he'd only be let down. He had to just expect exactly the same treatment as he'd gotten at his middle school. Only... here at St. Cecelia's, no one would _know._Ever since Peter let it slip once when he was twelve to a kid who he thought he was friends with that he might, you know, like boys, life had been a living hell. And his mother and father, without ever discussing _why _with him or with each other, had proceeded to pull him out of that school and put him here.

He had a new opportunity. He'd make the best of it.

* * *

School, it turned out, was much the same as it had been before. Here, no one ever guessed that Peter liked boys, and Peter felt just as tortured by it as ever. But he had several friends, girls and boys, and it was freeing to be able to talk to the boys at school without them having some kind of spastic attack. Seriously, just because he was... you know, _gay_, didn't mean that he wanted to have sex with every guy he saw. He wanted friends just as much as anyone else did.

So he made friends, and had a pretty decent part in the school play. The experience was a blast, and led to a very close, but temporary, group of friends. Of course, in the week or so following the performances, the group peetered out.

Summer began, and Peter spent his time reading and listening to music and doing things most kids do during the summer. Part of him was always wondering wht his mother would say if she knew- Peter knew that his mother adored him. She always said that he was the most important part of her life. But she also tended to drop certain not-so-subtle comments about girls and his lack of interest in them, displaying her disapproval. He guessed that she would not take it well.

Still, the summer was relaxing, but he missed school. He missed the kids, the constant flow of activity, everything. Once August came around, he started to count down the days until he would go back. One day, about three weeks before school started, a thick packet came in the mail. Peter had been expecting this- it had his classes, teachers, and textbook assignments. But he was most curious for the last page in the packet, which he flipped through quickly.

**Roommate: Jason Richards**

Peter's heart skipped a beat. He was rooming with Jason. _The_ Jason- the coolest guy in the school, the most popular guy...

"Who's your roommate?" his mom asked, peering over his shoulder. "Do you know him?"

Of course he knew him. Everyone knew him. Jason probably didn't know Peter from a streetlamp, but Peter certainly knew Jason.

Jason hung with a crowd who Peter knew to get wild at parties. Jason supposedly was really into partying, girls, and getting drunk. Peter wasn't so much into breaking the rules. He was nervous that he'd have to put up with a drunk roommate who constantly had, er, company in their room for an entire year. But he was nervous about other things too.

Jason wasn't just the most popular guy in school. Not to Peter at least. Once in awhile, in the hallway or in the cafeteria, Peter would catch a glimpse at the Jason he didn't think people were supposed to see. Someone slightly scared and vulnerable, someone in over his head. In those moments, Peter couldn't ignore his feelings of protectiveness and affection for the boy everyone thought they knew.

Of course, Peter didn't know Jason that well, not on the inside at least. Maybe he was just a shallow asshole who loved getting wasted and fucking around. But maybe Peter's gut instinct was right. Maybe there was more to Jason... either way, Peter was dead scared to meet his roommate. Something about Jason made Peter nervous, unsteady, and inhibited his ability to talk.

Rooming with Jason... Peter tried not to let himself think of what might come of it. _There's no way he'd ever look at me like that,_ Peter thought. _There's no chance in hell he'll ever like me, even as a friend. And there's definitely no chance that he'd ever like a boy. He's not like that._

So Peter tried not to think about the coming year for the last two weeks of summer. Still, sometimes right before he would go to sleep, he'd acknowledge that his secret might be difficult to keep in the coming year.

* * *

**Thanks for the feedback, guys! I gave you Peter! :)**


	3. Roommates

Mom, seriously, I think I'm done," Peter said, getting anxious. Couldn't his mom just leave? It was only a matter of time before Jason showed up to move his stuff in, and what would he think if he saw Peter's _mom_ there?

"Peter," she chastised. "Relax... I'm just helping-"

A voice sounded in the hallway, low and slightly gruff. Peter's heart leapt and he looked down, rummaging through a cardboard box with his books, cds, and movies in it.

"162... that's me."

The RA said something in response, and then the door opened. Peter looked up, trying to feign disinterest, as Jason entered the room. Their eyes locked for the first time, and Peter lost his breath. Jason's eyes were blue and clear, and... kind. Peter hadn't expected that.

Jason stared right back at Peter, this shy boy he'd seen around school. He hadn't known his name, so his room assignment had done nothing to help- but he'd seen Peter around the school. He was quiet, had a few close friends, and was nice. The kind of kid you'd like to be lab partners with. But... Jason realized he wasn't entirely correct in pegging him this way. He was more. There was something in his eyes...

_Danger! Danger!_

Jason shook his head and greeted Peter and then the woman who must be Peter's mom, trying very hard not to get hot under the collar or think about this boy who might unravel everything.

"Nice to meet you," he said to Peter's mom. She greeted him politely, but Peter was somewhat rude, for he could barely even look at his roommate. He was afraid of these feelings he had that he tried to ignore the boy altogether.

Jason and his mother had a polite conversation for ten minutes or so, in which Peter was trying to discern as much as he could about Jason's character- obviously he was somewhat nice if he was this polite to his mom, right?

A couple hours later, his mom left, giving him a kiss on the cheek and a hug and wishing him a wonderful year.

"So," Jason said, his voice low and gruff and causing Peter to go even redder. Just with that simple word. "We're gonna be living together for the next year, huh?"

"I guess," Peter said, trying very hard not to seem like an idiot.

"Are any of your friends here yet?" Jason asked. Peter's mind immediately jumped around, wondering if Jason was going to insult his friends, or want to throw a party, or do something illegal- _please, please no!_ Thought Peter. _Let him be as good as I think he is._

"I think most of them are coming tomorrow," Peter said honestly.

"Same here," Jason said. "My sister's here, but she was meeting a friend. Do you... er..." Jason didn't want this to sound like he was asking Peter out or something. So he just spit it out. "Since neither of our friends are here yet, you wanna go to the dining hall and get something to eat?"

Peter looked up eagerly, but gave a blasé response. "Sure. Cool."

They bought burgers and fries and sodas and grabbed a table at the rear corner. The hall was scattered, with most of the school arriving the day before. Neither of the boys could look at each other, because each was so preoccupied with their newfound... what? Love? Attraction? Obsession? Whatever it was, both boys thought they were the only one feeling it.

"So, what do you like to do?" Jason asked Peter. "Like... what's your thing?"

"Uh," Peter said stupidly. "School?"

Jason laughed. "No, I mean, like... outside school."

"I did the play last year, but... it's not a big deal or anything."

"That's cool," Jason said.

Peter's hand started to shake and he almost knocked over his soda.

"Dude," Jason said, laughing. "_Chill._" He tried to play it off coolly, but he could only think 'was that because of me?'

Peter turned brilliantly red, and their conversation was ;ax for the rest of the meal.

Once they got back to their room, Jason asked Peter if he could help setting up his bookshelf.

"Didn't your parents come to help you move in?" Peter asked as they took the materials out of the box.

"Well, my dad dropped me off. But he wasn't gonna help me with manual labor or anything. No way."

"Oh," Peter said stupidly, wanting to ask about the angry look Jason got on his face when he mentioned his father, but feeling like that would be prying too much.

Later that night, when they were brushing their teeth and undressing for bed, both of them hesitated. Then they hurriedly undressed and got into their bunks, shut off the lamps, and turned away from each other, pretending to be asleep.

But neither got so much as a wink as they contemplated what the _hell_ had just happened.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Peter and Jason's interaction was minimal. They talked in the morning a bit and at night about homework and stuff, but Jason was busy with cross country and Peter was always up late finishing assignments. They had separate friend groups, separate everything. But both observed the other one. Jason would go to bed and pretend to be asleep, while really watching Peter study- he was so... adorable when he studied. Jason had admitted to himself that he liked Peter- and not in a friendly way. In a way that he knew he shouldn't like him- but what harm could it do if he never told anyone? He thought Peter was attractive, with his dark hair and eyes, and sensitive and kind. He wanted to shield him from the harshness of the world, because Peter always seemed young and helpless.

These new feeling consumed Jason's days- he thought about Peter in every class, every minute. When he wasn't thinking of Peter, he was thinking of how he now knew, positively that he was... he was...

No. He still couldn't think it. It was something he knew, but not something he could acknowledge. Still, when he saw Peter, the feelings were good, wonderful. How could those innocent and sweet feelings the boy brought out in him be bad?

For Peter's part, he'd already spent a great deal of time watching Jason. Now he tried to avoid him. To Peter, the more time he spent with Jason was the higher risk he took of exposing himself. His feelings were so prevalent that they always threatened to overflow. He almost stroked Jason's hair once when he was looking for something on the floor- it was so soft looking and thick and blond... Peter was terrified of his dreams, for he knew himself to talk in his sleep and knew he dreamed of Jason almost every night. Not to mention waking up in the morning and having the first thing he saw be _him._ He couldn't get out of bed unless Jason was turned around, it was too embarrassing.

And Peter started to realize that he'd been right about Jason. He was kind. He did not express his tenderness to the outside world, but Peter got a firsthand view. Many nights, Nadia, Jason's twin sister, would come in and talk with her brother. She'd sit casually on Jason's bed while Jason sat in the desk chair, moving back and forth on the swivvle and laughing with his sister. Though she liked to give off the impression that she could take care of herself, it was obvious that Jason would defend Nadia to the end. He was very protective of her, despite her toughness. Peter thought it was sweet, and was therefore another reason he could not be in the room with Jason.

* * *

One day after a class they roommates had together, Peter looked over at Jason (a common occurrence). Jason was talking to a very pretty girl with dark hair- Ivy, was her name? She was flirty and popular and obviously interested in Jason. She touched his arm lightly as she laughed, throwing back her head, her shiny black hair cascading in waterfalls down her back, her teeth sparkling and white. Jason smiled at her, and said something back. Peter's stomach twisted, and he turned away.

That night, he was sitting up and doing his math homework alone in the room. He was pretending he was not waiting for Jason to come in, but obviously he was. Suddenly, the door to their room banged open and Jason thundered inside, kicking his chest of drawers and slamming the door, throwing his backpack on his bed.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed. Peter was frozen, staring. He'd never seen Jason like this before, or anyone for that matter, and didn't know what to say. "Fuck!"

"What's wrong?" Peter asked in a soft voice.

"Nothing," Jason snapped. "You... wouldn't get it."

Peter chafed at the comment, but soldiered on. He wanted to talk to Jason, didn't he? Well here was his chance. He might not get another if he chickened out.

"Try me."

"I got an F in speech," Jason admitted quietly. "And now everything's messed up- it's like I'm some kind of idiot."

Peter let out a laugh, and Jason glared at him.

"What's so funny? I usually get good grades too, don't laugh because you think you're... better or something.."

"No... I'm laughing because that's not a big deal. It's like halfway through October, dude," Peter added, using a word specifically put in to make himself sound straight. 'Dude' and 'man' were words he'd picked up along the way to sound more masculine. "You have plenty of time to bring your grade up. And... I'll tutor you if you want." He said the last part a little meekly.

Jason smirked. "Thanks. But it's not the grade... they're sending a letter home to my dad," he said, the real worry coming out now. "And Peter, you don't understand. He'll _kill_ me. I always have to be perfect at everything... if I get another bad grade, I'll be pulled from the cross-country team and my dad will have a fit. I _need_ to get a scholarship, I need to have fantastic grades and be good at sports and be popular and have a girlfriend... and I..." He turned away from Peter, and he punched his bedpost. "I'm so _fucking_ suck of him pushing me around telling me what to do. I want to live my own life! And he's going to find out about this, and he's going to scream at me over the phone, and he'll tell me I'm the worst son imaginable and that he can't believe I could fuck up so badly, and the worst part is he doesn't even _know._ He doesn't know the _half_ of it! Like, seriously, if he ever found out that I'm..."

Jason stopped short just in time. He had angry tears coming from his eyes and his shoulders were shaking in fury and fright.

"I just can't fuck up," Jason said softly.

"That you're what?" Peter said softly.

"No," Jason sharply interrupted. "Forget I said anything."

But Peter was given courage by Jason's outburst. He slid off the chair he was in and moved on Jason's bunk. He put a hand on his roommate's shoulder, knowing full well he was putting himself at an unimaginable risk. Either he'd get punched and be called a faggot, or...

Jason tensed, and Peter started to pull his hand away. But then Jason relaxed and let out a sigh, sounding defeated. Jason turned and looked at Peter, his blue eyes filled with desperation and looking like a scared, small child. Peter wanted to hold him and protect him, and he was given bravery.

"If he ever found out what I'm so fucking scared the kids at school will find out?" Peter asked. "That, up until a minute ago, I was terrified you'd find out?"

"What are you talking about?" Jason said, with as much conviction as he could muster. "I'm not..."

But he couldn't finish, for his shoulders were shaking again as the emotion took over.

"If he finds out, he'll _kill_ me. I'm not exaggerating. He'll disown me..."

Peter wrapped both of his arms around Jason, feeling his soul fill up, feeling the sheer completeness of holding him in his arms. Jason stilled, and then relaxed into Peter's embrace, burying his tear-covered face in Peter's shoulder as he held him. Peter bent his head down and rested his face against Jason's hair.

"Then he won't find out," Peter whispered. "None of them will. It'll be..."

"Our secret," Jason said, pulling up but not pulling away. He looked Peter in the face carefully. "Are you sure about this?"

And Peter hesitated, not sure if he should continue, but then he moved forward and gently touched his lips to Jason's.

Peter had been right all along- he was not normal. He would never be the boy who was crazy about girls and got married and had children. Sure, life would be harder. No, he was not normal. But for the first time, he didn't want to be.

Jason reached for Peter's hands, and pulled away. "Thank you," he whispered. "You... get this, don't you?"

"I've been living with it all my life," Peter said with a cynical laugh. "But it'll be ok."

"Yeah," Jason said with a small smile. "Yeah, I think it will."

* * *

**More coming soon!**


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